Feelings, Good Coffee, and Common Sense
16 Jun 2020

Feelings, Good Coffee, and Common Sense

Post by Barry Nalley

I’ve learned

That a good sense of humor makes Life one hell of a lot easier


While sitting, drinking my coffee, and thinking about a special anniversary gift for my ‘BGFF’ I’ve been reminiscing…

Years ago, my new wife and I were downtown window shopping, when she stopped and commented about how “neat” an item in that window display was, and we walked on…

A couple of months later, she opened her Birthday present, to find, of course, the item she’d commented “so favorably on”.

She hugged and kissed me, then asked’ “Hon, why did you get that for me?”.

“You told me it was ‘nice’, you liked it, and I felt it would be a good surprise to get it for you , I responded.

She stunned me with what she said next. “Honey! I said I Liked it, ; I didn’t say I’d like to have it!” She went on to reiterate that while she liked it she never really wanted to own it, … and asked if I minded if she exchanged it for something she really wanted. She returned it, got what she really wanted, and was happy.

For, at least, a couple of years that scene was repeated; I saw something I felt she liked , got it for her, and then later found she’d returned it for something she wanted. She was always graciously ‘thankful’, but still, I frequently “got my feelings hurt”. HOW could I be so wrong about what my ‘BGFF’ wanted??!!!

Skeete, my older bro, used to joke with me about “Telling someone about how you really feel..”, emphasizing that addressing the problem & consequences of what they did, rather than personal feelings, would do a lot more in resolving problems”. Speaking as a former Marine, YES, expressing feelings and beating the crap out of someone does resolve some issues, but… What about the real problem?

Like I said, I’d hear her comment on something she liked, sneak down and grab it for her only to discover; yeah she liked it, didn’t really want it, exchanged it for… leaving me feeling miserable, knowing I’d struck out again. AAUGH!

Finally, “click”, a (dim) light in the recesses of my mind came on! I had an epiphany. I got practical. I got logical. (yes, I know some of you reading this got over the type of dumbasseryness I’d demonstrated over those years a lot faster than me. So what… give yerself a nice pat on yer back!)

“Sweetheart, would you be okay with me asking you what you want for your Birthday?”, I asked. She responded that she’d be happy with that arrangement. After all, didn’t I realize that her family always did that?

I never struck out again…WOOT!      Over the years, I was frequently deployed, and whenever we could talk, she’d happily ask me if I, “…wanted to know what I got her for birthday, anniversary, or an ‘I loveyou’ gift? I never struck out again!

So… Coffee Break is over, and I’m going out to get a 33 year Anniversary gift that I know will be the right one, because SHE told me it was what she wanted to own, and let me tell you how I really feel; I feel… Happy!!